As radicals, we do our best to be aware of and confront issues of power dynamics and specifically gender dynamics, gender roles, feminism, patriarchy, etc. Most of the time we're focused on what's happening out in the world. Some of the time we bother to check how we're doing within our own community. But what happens in our personal relationships? I sometimes feel like the ongoing critical analysis in my head gets in the way of my ability to fall in love like "normal people" do. Relationships with other people shouldn't be mediated by theory. But at the same time I wouldn't want it any other way, because I feel that my politics should permeate everything I do, and what's more important than relationships? That's exactly the place where we should be confronting the ills of the society we live in and building the future we want to see.
Which is why I would like to pose the question: What is the role of theory in a relationship? (and am I even asking the right question?)
Hmm, maybe we have it backwards here. I only say this because I think about these things all the time. For example, you express some opinion about, I dunno, film or music to your friends who are having a discussion, and are immediately called out as being a snob and/or too pedantic. So who's really being more genuine in this moment? I get called a music snob all the time (much to my own joy and amusement) but then again, snobbery also connotes performativity on a certain level. Who would I be performing for, though? Myself, in order to reassure myself that I'm still holding steadfast to my opinions and would never give an inch otherwise? Or to those around me (who are meanwhile pooh-poohing my reaction)?
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I think it was your remark about politics needing to permeate everything you do. If we were all truly political at heart (as we should be, since it's just one component of the human condition anyway) then shouldn't the politics be permeated with intimacy, or a sense of personal rapports being constructed all the time?
Too much coffee for me tonight, I'm afraid. :(
When does critical analysis threaten to disrupt our ability for reflexive thought/action? Does (obsessive) evaluation of power dynamics impede becoming ‘in love’? What is ‘in love’? Is it possible that critical analysis can deepen and elaborate relationships? Does such analysis create positive spaces for friendship and communication?
ReplyDeleteIt seems to me that friendship is at the bedrock of most mutually beneficial relationships, and that the role of theory in relationships is to question and articulate forms of friendship.
Liberatory theory might elaborate contextual friendships which engage critically with power dynamics and relational roles. Such theory might ask what needs are being met and what desires are being fulfilled, by who and how. Are these needs and desires carried out within the friendship in ways and by means that are positive/affirmative, non-coercive? Consent within friendship seems paramount to the questioning of roles and dynamics. How is consent reproduced in relationships? What are the elements of consent?